Long Post.........

Well i got prompted to update this blog and due to the fact that at least one person reads it i felt obliged to make a very hearltfelt and honest post.

From early in the year i had a gut instinct/feeling that 2007 wasnt going to be as rosy.
Although i withdrew a load of cash throughout 2006 maybe about £60-70k i squandered nearly everything, depositing about £2-4k at a time and sometimes doing the lot in a few days on daft horse racing bets or fancy clothes, meals in top restaurants trips abroad, etc... with an air of invincibility i felt that i could do this and keep winning on a weekly basis as i proved (short-term varience) in my 1st 2 years as a pro.
I got so used to tribeca as a site i knew all the players off by heart, new every tourney like the back of my hand and felt confident i could win any tourney or stt i sat down at with consumate, naiive ease. Recently alas, i have found that this is not as easy on other sites where the competition is greater than the great fishpond that was tribeca(R.I.P lol)

So when Green Joker Poker made the inevitable transition to playtech i decided to test the waters of other sites, having played on playtech and not liking it one bit.

First i tried Crypto and had some good sucess on £2/5nl making my starting roll of £1000 into nealy £5000 in the first couple of weeks. This hot streak seemed only to be momentary as maost of that roll went within the dying weeks of january. I realised that Mtt's were my game and decided to play the Crypto mtt's £50f/o and £25/fo and most of the pokerstars biggies, $100rb etc......

As i hadn't gone over 3 weeks in the past 2 years without winning an onlin mtt for $2k+ the cold-run was a relatively new thing and i didnt know how to respond. Many pro's would say take a few weeks off and acsess the situation, however when you have barely anything in the bank, know your running really bad, and are eager to 'make things right' this is easier said than done.

I continued to play Mtt's throughout the day and night, often not leaving the house for days on end. Around february I won a seat to Cardiff gukpt, the last comp i won on tribeca, and i was keen to put in a good performance. At the same time i was running badly i decided to take a trip to iceland, which was a bad idea as i was still rueing my luck while i was there, pondering my play and possible mistakes etc....

A few weeks after we got back it was time for cheltenham races in which i made a vital error of not listening to my mates uncle 'johnny lights' advice and felt the pain as i had to stay in the gold cup night as my money had finaly run out.

A week later i had just about enough money to make it to cardiff for the gukpt. It was Final Straw time, i had a visa with about £4k limit so i still had enought to get hotel etc.... at this time i had about £500 in Crypto and $1200 in stars, which was my biggest low-bankroll point ever.

I arrived in cardiff a day early and met Gregior, pab and a few other lads i have met through internet poker and like a twat managed do my brains £4k visa on roulette, while pissed. I wasnt even down to play poker until the next day. I borrowed £500 off a good mate of mine which i am still to pay back as my stars roll went south after Dave colclogh spiked a club in a coinflip after the flop in a coup which would have seen me back to an amount of chips i feel i could have played my game with.

When i got back home i continued to persue the online mtt's thinking that the big win is just around the corner, but as most of you know bad form/running bad breeds bad confidence and often this can affect your game, I began playing with fear and eventually lost all my rolls mid-way through april.

This, strange as it seems, was a relief to me as the pressure on my shoulders was nearly at breaking point. I knew i was good enough to win mtt's at the highest level and cured the form id had over the previous months, I also cursed my naivety in thinking i was never going to have a bad spell, also my carefree spending.

WHAT NOW?

Well i applied for the dtd trader scheme and they took me on, in the first two weeks ive made about £1200 on the 25p/50p nl tables, i am looking to get the position of manager at a local rileys snooker hall for a bit as think i need a bit of stability in order for my A game to come to the fore. I feel i have lost a bit of pride, i have never been academicaly gifted, no qualifications to speak of, poker was the only thing i was good at and it the recent events have really knocked me for 6. My plan now is to make some money on the trader scheme, get a regular job and play poker as a hobby for now. My plan still is to becaome a pro one day but with the right bankroll, motivation, and above all discipline. I know i am good enough, i just need to play in a pressure free envioronment for a while and play my A game.

I hope that i can focus for a while and motivate myself to get back on track A.S.A.P
thanks to all those who have given me support, help and advice over these trechourous times, there is one thing or sure, ill still be attending events here and there. Clam has been knocked but hopefully i will come back refreshed and better than ever.

Best regards
rick